The Top Ten Dumbass Trends to Avoid in 2010.
1. Men Wearing Ugg Boots. With its spaceboot-like shape the UGG boot is typically cute on women, but its gaudiness will never look anything but inappropriate on the gender that stands up to pee. UGGs will only earn you an “ughh…” in public. Get yourself a pair of wing tips and act like you never even thought about it.
2. Growing a Hipster Beard. The preferred grooming choice for privileged kids from Brooklyn to Portland and back, the hipster beard jumped the shark about four years ago, right around the time when it landed as a trend piece in the New York Times. Back then the beard was a semi-ironic way for rich kids to look poor. Now everyone actually is poor, so the late 90s “fake it till you make it” ethos needs to smack the hipster beard back into the 1970s porno it came from.
3. Carrying a Man Purse. What does a man carry in his man purse, lipstick? Far be it to hark back to an era where backpacks reigned supreme, but f’ it, the backpack does still kinda reign supreme. For laptops we have laptop bags. For briefs, (gasp!) a briefcase. The man purse is a multi-purposed go-between the two, but it still looks about as straight as Perez Hilton.
4. Ed Hardy douchebaggery. Just because you gave 10 Fistpumpin’ Stocking Stuffers to your douchey friends for Christmas, doesn’t mean you have to continue living the Ed Hardy lifestyle your damn self. That LA rocker chic fashion ish is played out like Kwame. Unless you’re an aspiring future cast member of MTV’s Jersey Shore.
5. Using internet slang in real life. Web shortspeak words like “fail” and “LOL” have transcended the net and made it right into our everyday language. But there is still something strangely odd, almost schoolgirl-ish, about a person saying OMG in the midst of a real life conversation. Even stranger when they say LOLcat.
6. Wearing a Male Engagement Ring. The days of a man bending down on one knee, taking a woman’s hand and asking her to marry him are over. Sadly, it’s now becoming a trend for a bit of role reversal, with a woman laying claim to her man prize by asking him to rock an engagement ring of his own. What’s next, getting mani-pedi’s together?
7. Drinking Apple Martinis. It used to be that a man wound down his day with a stiff drink. In the 2000s, however, the fruity drink was en vogue, and none was more prevalent than the apple martini. You want apple juice, buy some apple juice. You want a drink, order a Jack Daniels. End of discussion.
8. Being a Music Snob. Everyone’s a critic. No, really. Everyone is. And these days you can just wear the outfit, know the names of a few acts, create a blog, and boom, you’re in the game. But unless you’re like music critic Chris Weingarten and can condense an entire album review in a tweet, good luck with your burgeoning career in music
criticismsnobbery.9. Nerding out over comic books movies. With the success of Iron Manand The Dark Knight in 2008, men could let out their inner geek without fear of being clowned. In 2009, not so much. Although they sold a lot of tickets,Watchmen and X-Men Origins: Wolverine failed to ignite audiences, adding to a whole list of critical failures that occurred during the aughts- Superman Returns, Spiderman 3, Ghost Rider, Catwoman … shall we continue?
10. Blogging rap beef. The era of WEW in rap may have officially come to a close this past summer after Joe Budden live-streamed the aftermath of a physical altercation he had with Raekwon the Chef backstage at the Los Angeles stop of the Rock The Bells tour. Bloggers, the less attention is given to these things, the less rappers will play them up. Maybe they’ll start being recognized for what they did in the last millennium, ya’know, making music.
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